Ladyboy Stories; Two Muppets get Stung!

When you live in Pattaya, you get to hear a lot of ladyboy stories relating to one thing or another. The local news is often reporting on local nightlife shenanigans and, more often than not, there's a ladyboy or two involved. The usual report goes along the lines that some poor unfortunate foreign visitor to the land of smiles (i.e. usually a sex tourist that has had a few too many drinks) has woken up with a splitting headache to find that his valuables have gone missing along with his ladyboy friend that he met the night before.

Sometimes it is more sinister and the victim has been given a drug overdose via a 'spiked' drink... some poor souls have even died from this. For the most part, the people involved are just the sort of people that your average tourist definitely does not want to get involved with (once again, the ladyboys hanging around Beach Road late at night are usually the suspected culprits).

These sorts of ladyboy stories are rare and sensible tourists need not be overly concerned about getting into trouble. This report is focused on another type of story, one that sticks in mind for the opposite reason... i.e. where some ladyboys got involved with the wrong sort of tourists! You won't believe what happened but I assure you that this is how it was reported in the local news....

Two Iranian gentlemen were on a night out in Pattaya having a good time whereupon they hit upon the idea of asking some ladyboys if they had any cannabis for sale, or if they knew of where they might be able to find some. The ladyboys were not in possession of the cannabis but they end up being given a few thousand baht and the task of tracking some down. It's not clear whether or not the ladyboys volunteered to do this or whether it was all the idea of the Iranian gentlemen. It is also unclear whether or not the ladyboys ever had any intention of finding the cannabis or if they were just interested in pocketing some easy cash. Whatever the case may be, the ladyboys failed in their task of finding any cannabis. The two Iranian gentlemen then asked for the return of their money... to which the ladyboys refused.

Knowing how easy it is for misunderstandings to creep into these ladyboy stories, and just about any kind of financial undertaking between a Thai and a foreigner, I can imagine that the ladyboys may have felt that the money was theirs merely for attempting to locate a cannabis dealer... or maybe they thought the money was theirs as a gift, or perhaps they saw it as an upfront payment for some romantic services to be delivered later (my guess is the last one since they did at least return to the Iranian gentlemen rather than disappearing into the night). Of course, it may also be that the ladyboys just conned the two men out of some money (there are plenty of ladyboy stories about that sort of thing!). Again, the exact details are not important, what is important is the response from these two men.

You might be thinking that I'm going to tell you that the men resorted to violence... you'd be wrong. Before I continue I should point out that resorting to violence would have been a grave error. Any foreigner that gets violent towards a Thai in Thailand is going to find himself fighting against every Thai man within a 3km radius. The Thais don't mess around with this sort of thing and there's no reasoning with them that fighting when outnumbering the other party is a bit cowardly... in short, they'll hammer your face in first and then not bother to ask questions later.

Our two Iranian gentlemen go one better than this... I'm cringing up inside as I type this.... these total boneheads went to lodge a complaint with a Police Officer!!!! Now... you don't need to be Albert Einstein to know that complaining to the Police in these circumstances is a seriously idiotic thing to do. In fact, having anything to do with drugs at all in Thailand is a crazy thing to do, but complaining to the Thai Police when a deal goes pear-shaped!!?!?

I imagine that these boneheads didn't mention anything about the cannabis to the Police Officer and just reported that some ladyboys had refused to return some money that was owed to them. That certainly didn't stop the ladyboys from filling in the missing details when the Police came a callin, ha. Here's where it gets even more stupid.... Because a complaint regarding drugs has been registered, the Police conduct a drug test on the two men and the ladyboys. The results for the ladyboys come back clean but our two bonehead tourists test positive for cannabis!!! I nearly fell off my sofa when I heard this... I can only imagine that these two muppets had enough cannabis in their blood streams to deaden the wits of a NASA think tank!

The report ended with the release of the ladyboys and the processing of charges against the Iranian gentlemen. A hefty jail sentence (after a lengthy wait for a trial) will almost certainly follow, along with a lifetime ban from ever returning to Thailand. In some of the ladyboy stories I hear, justice isn't served, but I think this one had a deserved ending!

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