Thai Woman horror stories regarding the dating scene are fairly common; the internet is a rich source of stories about failed Western man/Thai lady relationships, and I'd advise you to familiarize yourself with the typical romances that form between bar girls and tourists. Usually, when the end comes, the Western man is left feeling humiliated, robbed, lied to and sometimes much worse! There is even an exclusive 'Westerner' club in Pattaya called the 'Pattaya flying club'. This refers to the typical forlorn soul that has decided to end it all by throwing himself off his high-rise condominium balcony!
Modern technology is having a big impact on the bars in Pattaya...
the best girls have always been reluctant to work in bars for fear of
being seen by someone from their hometowns.
Facebook videos and mobile phone cameras have scared many off, but there are lots of girls on:
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Occurrences of suicide/suspicious deaths are not uncommon amongst westerners once the unfortunate man has discovered that the supposed love of his life is in fact somewhat less than the honest, loyal, loving delight that he thought he had found when he married her.
There really are many heart-wrenching stories about Western men that have fallen prey to the ruthless actions of the wrong sort of woman. Thai dating does not have to be that way; there are also many successful stories of true-love out there. The trick is to make sure that you go about things in the right way. There are no guarantees of course, but there are things you can do to minimize your chances of being taken in by a lying trickster out for all she can get! Have a read of my Thai dating section for advice.
First of all, if you are going to avoid falling into any of the usual traps, you need to acquaint yourself with the kind of danger-signs and lies that are common with a typical Thai woman from the wrong side of the track. I don't need to go into that here; I've covered it already in the Pattaya girls section my site.
You also need to appreciate the reality of the Thai dating scene. A Thai woman will usually far prefer to marry a Thai man than a Western man. This is particularly true in traditional out-of-town areas where Western people are more of a rarity. The reason why this is the case is because many local people in these areas will readily assume that any woman that marries a Western man must have met him whilst working as a bar-girl i.e. prostitute.
Many visitors to Thailand only ever get to see the tourist areas where nightlife, fast living and fast women are commonplace. They never really get to see the traditional Thailand and, therefore, they never really appreciate that Thailand is actually a conservative country. The last thing that a decent, honest Thailand woman would want anyone to think is that she might be a sex-worker. This means that you face an extra challenge if you don't look Thai... and at one time that would mean settling for a less attractive girl because the best looking ones would likely have better options! Thankfully, times are changing and being seen with a Westerner has less of a stigma attached to it these days.
You do have a better chance of finding a decent, good natured, good looking girl in the main cities where it is much more common for Western men to be seen with Thai girlfriends. That doesn't mean you should head for the naughty nightlife areas in Bangkok... such places are no good if you want to find a worthy girlfriend.
The impact of globalization and economic development/consumerism is narrowing the boundaries between the West and the modern, developing areas of Thailand. Development brings with it a more international/cosmopolitan lifestyle to those areas experiencing the growth i.e. the main urban areas.
One thing that I should point out right away is that, ideally, you should be able to speak Thai to a reasonable standard if you want to meet a respectable Thai woman. I'm guessing that you don't have this ability and that, unfortunately, greatly reduces your options. Right away you are reduced to a much smaller section of society i.e. those ladies that speak English or whatever your native language is. Since the majority of respectable English speaking girls are well educated, they tend to come from wealthier families.
You will struggle to be accepted by those families because they will want a good, honest, respectable Thai husband for their daughter. The remaining English speaking Thai ladies, from poorer backgrounds, are a big risk. They may have learned English in the bars and just be looking for a walking ATM machine!
If you are in it for the long run, it may be worth delaying any immediate attempt to find an honest girl, and concentrate instead on learning to speak Thai. This will, obviously, take a long time but it is very useful. Making a success of a long-term relationship means building up a good relationship with your girl's parents, and they will almost certainly speak no English at all. You don't need to be fluent, if you meet a decent girl she will happily help you to improve your language skills.
In the meantime, a good option for finding a worthy Thai woman is an online dating agency. Online dating offers you the chance to quickly improve your communication skills with Thai ladies. Combined with the advice in my Thai Dating section, online dating offers you the chance to quickly learn how to meet quality ladies whilst avoiding the gold-diggers.
Contrary to popular opinion, Thai girls make excellent wives if you choose wisely. Don't even think about selecting a long-term partner from a tourist area, it's far too risky. There's a much safer hunting ground at:
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Not being able to meet girls in the bar, at least not if you want a good one, raises another difficult problem i.e. where do you go? There are obviously all sorts of possibilities but the usual ones are either a restaurant, a shopping mall, or via the internet:
Restaurant. This might be an idea worth exploring, but go for a decent classy place nowhere near the naughty nightlife areas. Personally, I don't really recommend this one but if you need to have a drink before you can muster up the courage... having a drink with a meal is a more respectable way to do it. Don't over-do it with the alcohol though, it won't impress anyone if you are visibly drunk (even slightly drunk)! If you see a waitress that you like, don't go straight in for the kill as you would in the West. Most Thai women are too shy for that. A better, and easier, way to go about it is by asking a different waitress if your girl is romantically attached or not. She will go off to find out i.e. inform the girl that she has an admirer. If the girl likes you, and is available, the other waitress will let you know the good news. At that point you can make your approach, but remember she will probably be very shy, so don't go in all guns blazing!
Shopping Mall. I think this is the best option. Starting a casual conversation with a Thai woman in a shopping mall isn't easy, but it offers a quick get-away if you screw things up! Once again, after you see a shop-worker that you like, go for the option of asking a co-worker about the girl's availability. If she isn't interested she'll tell her friend that she has someone already and off you can go with your ego in tact! The beauty of it is that, unlike with a restaurant, you can make a quick get away if you are unsuccessful. Restaurant girls also get hit on more often, so success with a shop-worker might be more likely to get you a respectable girl.
The Internet. This one is a good choice if meeting a Thai woman in person is unrealistic e.g. if you are currently based overseas. Unfortunately, the internet is a common hunting ground for the unscrupulous sorts of women that just want your money. I recommend only meeting girls that are located nearby, or nearby the hotel in Thailand at which you will be staying, and make sure you are really knowledgeable about danger-signs and lies. There are many respectable ladies online, so don't rule this option out. If you are not in Thailand this may be the only option you have.
Remember that English is not well spoken by most girls. This raises your first big challenge. If you do not speak Thai to a good standard, and she does not speak your language to a good standard, you are going to have an big problem communicating with one another. It is not insurmountable, but it will take time and patience to overcome. Along with the culture gap, the communication problem is your biggest barrier to meeting the best girls.
Since learning to speak Thai is a long-term challenge in itself, so I'm guessing you will opt for a Thai woman that speaks your language. Be aware that this is a danger-sign... how has she come to speak English (or whatever your language) so well if not by spending a lot of time in foreign company? If she studied English at University that is great, but don't just take her word for it, ask searching questions to make sure that it is true!
Secondly, and related to the first point, you should be prepared for your lady to turn up to your date accompanied by a chaperone! This is not so common as it once was, but it could happen. I said it is related to the first point because, if your girl does not speak English, her chaperone probably will. She will translate your words for you so that you can talk to your lady. An English speaking Thai woman almost certainly will not bring a chaperone but, generally speaking, it is not a bad sign if she is accompanied.
Third, do not expect any sort of intimacy with a respectable girl on your first date! Read that again and let it sink in. By intimacy I mean anything at all romantic... don't even try to hold her hand! Just follow her lead on this. If she is shy like this, you might well be on to a winner. This kind of shyness may well persist for a number of dates, but after that, and all of a sudden, things can progress at speed. Be patient but, when the time feels right, don't be scared to take the lead if she doesn't.
Fourth, you need to work on your personal presentation. Thailand is a hot country most of the year so you might feel a little hot by wearing long trousers, socks and shoes and a smart shirt etc. However, if you want to impress, it is recommended. Whatever you do, don't turn up wearing shorts, t-shirt and sandals... it's not considered a good look for a date.
This one may seem a little obvious but it needs to be said just in-case you are considering it.... DO NOT take a respectable Thai woman anywhere near the naughty nightlife scene!! She will be offended by this, she will think you consider her to be the same as the bar girls.
A better option is to take her to a good quality Thai restaurant. There are plenty to choose from and a quick internet search will uncover plenty of options. If you want to be a little more adventurous, Japanese food is another option that is considered edible by most Thai women. Very few Thai ladies like Western food. Seafood is loved by most.
Be careful when deciding on a restaurant... most offer delicious food, but some of them can be expensive. Remember that your lady may well turn up accompanied by a chaperone and guess who is going to be picking up the bill for all three of you! (Don't assume you are being taken advantage of by this, it is perfectly normal).
I guess the final advice is just to relax and go slowly. It is fine if you are the quiet reserved sort... in fact it is better. Don't go thinking you need to be the outgoing, full of talk sort of character that does well with the girls back home. To impress a Thai woman, a quiet (but confident), relaxed, in-control sort of personality is much more likely to succeed.
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