Getting a Thai Wife; Advice for Men

Think first; a Thai wife often comes with baggage! If the worst comes to the worst with your Thai dating exploits, and you find yourself considering marriage, have yourself an extra long think. In Thailand a wife comes with a number of unfamiliar issues that you will need to be comfortable with before making your final decision, and if you are in any way unprepared then you might not like it!

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First of all, before you get married, there is the issue of the dowry. The dowry (or 'sin sod') is a sum of money that is paid to the parents of your Thailand wife. The idea is that you are demonstrating both your financial capability, and also, your thanks to her parents for taking care of her before you met.

The whole notion of cash being handed over as part of the marriage process feels a bit wrong, but don't forget that Thai family culture is very different to western culture. This is the way that things are done here and it will be expected.

At this point, in fact way before this point, you really need to gain as much understanding of Thai culture and how it relates to marriage/relationships. Only then should you start looking for a long-term girlfriend.

Pretty much all of the failed well-intended relationships between Thais and westerners come about because one party, or both of them, failed to understand the other's culture. Note that I said well-intended, if you marry a gold-digger then her intentions will be different from the outset, and the end results of these sorts of marriages are well documented!

Thai girlfriendThai girls love romance, but they can be shy in upmarket settings...

Thai Wife Dowry; how much is the right amount?

There's no way I can put a figure on what needs to be paid, each case is different. What would be regarded as a respectable amount for one Thailand wife is different to what would be respectable for another. The right figure is influenced by many things including:

  • Your Finances - The size and amount of your own financial resources will be taken into consideration. If you do not have much money to spare, a good Thai family will not ask you for more than you can afford.
  • Her Finances - The wealth/status of your girl's family matters a lot. If you wish to marry into a high-society type of family then you'll better be in a strong financial position yourself.
  • Education - If a Thai girl has been to university then this will be regarded as a big investment by the Thai family in their daughter, and her future husband will be expected to contribute more in view of that.
  • Previous Relationships - If your wife has married before then her parents have already received a dowry from the previous husband, so nothing more than a symbolic amount (or nothing at all) should be asked of you.
  • Children - If your intended wife already has children by another man then your commitment to her includes a commitment to provide for her children. This is already symbolic of your love, and no dowry should be asked.

The list goes on, but you get the idea. The dowry might cost anything from nothing (if she has married before and had kids etc) to millions (if she is a highly educated high-society type). Most dowry's come in at around 100,000 baht.

If you are asked for an unreasonably high amount, don't ignore it, it is an important sign of things to come after you marry. In this case, it might be an idea to reassess your situation.

Thai DowryThe dowry is a controversial topic for most western guys.

If you suspect that you are being taken advantage of then don't be afraid to call the whole thing off - but don't use this as a bargaining position. If you call it off then it's over, no going back.

Some Thai marriages go ahead where a sum of money is displayed during the ceremony, but after the wedding is over, the money is returned to the groom. The idea is to avoid a 'loss of face' by making on-lookers think the dowry has been paid. This might happen if the groom simply cannot afford to part with the cash.

Thai wife... ongoing financial support for the family

Once you've tied the knot with your Thai girlfriend, and paid the dowry, you might reasonably think that the financial support stops at this point... ha! Sit down young Skywalker, much you have to learn!

Ask your Thai wife to discuss the concept of 'gat tan yoo' with you... you'll love it, it's a real rib tickler! Gat tan yoo is a responsibility that your wife will take very seriously. It relates to the debt of gratitude that your wife will feel towards her parents.

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Thai children are taught from an early age that, once they reach adulthood, they need to take care of their parents. You can understand why, there's no welfare system or state pension to speak of, so the kids need to look after things.

Your Thai wife will want to take care of her parents for the rest of their lives and, in some cases, the extent of that 'care' would be enough to send a shiver down Bill Gates' spine! Your wife will not feel that gat tan yoo is some kind of burden that must be carried, she will genuinely feel very deeply about it, and it will make her happy to give whatever money she can to her parents.

Unless you are lucky enough to have a literally bottomless pit of cash, you're going to have to find a way of dealing with all the financial demands. One tactic you might try is to argue that your resources are only sufficient to take care of the two of you, or three etc if you have a child already.

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Point out that any surplus cash that is coming in needs to be saved for a) your retirement since, presumably, you will not want your children to support you once you stop working, and b) future costs like the kid's education.

Even then you might still need to compromise. You could tell her that she can get a job and send part of her income to her parents.

This compromise has another advantage in that, once she's working, you'll be able to get some peace and quiet on your own! Otherwise, your Thailand wife will want to spend virtually every moment of every day in your company, making sure that you don't get up to anything you shouldn't!

Your Thai Wife & Family Hierarchy

One last thing worth mentioning is family hierarchy. Where, in the west, everyone is equal (more or less), Thai society is much more hierarchical.

This hierarchy extends to the family unit too. You should ask your Thai wife who fits where. If you don't, you might make a bit of a fool of yourself by giving a nice big 'sawasdee krub' and a 'wai' to one of your nephews or nieces.

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